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August 30, 2011

Moving Forward

I'm pretty excited about my life right now. I mean there have been a few moments of doubt but looking back at this summer and looking forward, I'm exactly where I want to be right now. It's been a rough but interesting couple of months. I lost my amazing job, got arrested, got into fights with friends, had to confront the past, and turn around and explain it all as well as myself to my parents. It was hard, but I got through it. For every rough patch there's another smooth one coming up. I mean yes, I've had to give up on the one girl I've ever been in love with. It was sad realizing that you just have to pick up the pieces and move on, but I have a lot of hope because of it. This is the first time I've truly felt single since maybe 8th grade. It's stupid to say that but feelings generally are, but it's a good one. Yes I got fired from my awesome job and yeah when it happened it threw me for a loop. I've never been fired and I loved that job, I loved everyone I worked with but it happened for a reason. I've begun to believe in fate, that in a world where literally anything could happen, when certain things do, when certain people come into your life you have to take advantage of it, because the chances are pretty astronomical that they do. Had I never met my friend Hutton in a creative writing class I wouldn't know my group of friends that I have now, I wouldn't have met my roommate, I'm not even sure I would even be in State right now. And if I hadn't struck up conversation while looking devilishly handsome in a courthouse for being arrested I would have never met Alisa and never have gotten involved with Philanthro which is the philanthropic organization I am now a part of.

It's all just very strange, life, I guess. But it's truly growing on me. I'm going out of my way to talk to strangers, pretty girls in my classes, acquaintances because I have no idea where that'll take me. I am trying to put my hands in as many pies as I possibly can (kind've a grotesque and disturbing image I know). Currently I am applying for two tutoring jobs, a job at the Koala (180 from the DA which should be pretty hilarious), a job at KCR the local radio station, a job at an online music magazine and I am continuing to work for Philanthro. In addition to that I am taking really interesting classes (two lit classes from awesome teachers that I've had before, a bible as lit class, and intro to electro acoustic music) and I'm actually going to give this a shot. By this, I mean being a good student, because I truly want to do well, in life I guess. This is really the time to do it so I am going to do it. Even on a personal level I have projects I am working on, a novella that is turning out pretty well for once, I am trying to record music with the access that I get through my music class, I am trying to join a band, and I am possibly trying to start up a music website. I mean it sounds like a lot but it all feels manageable, I'll definitely be busy.

Because of the busyness I will have to make certain cuts to my lifestyle. Summer has really been pretty ridiculous. Literally non-stop drinking (APPLE JUICE), picking up women and essentially just living like a heathen. Which is good, because I truly believe everything in moderation (including moderation) but truthfully it's gotten kind of old. I like drinking, I like drinking a lot, but I'm just not getting much out of it anymore. I've quit smoking (TOBACCO) for the most part so I feel like lumping drinking in with it will only be a positive thing. I have so much on my plate right now, I can't really afford to be hungover and only have half the day to work with. Also because I'm pretty poor and do not want to have to limp back to Sacramento again because I'm out of money. Along with the drinking I need to get rid of the one night stands, I'm just not getting anything out of it anymore. This one will likely be the hardest to get rid of because for so long it was just looking for that one moment, that one instant where you forget how truly alone you are and you are able to just for an instant get past it. But I've begun to think that that one instant is too short and I want, and I deserve something more than that. To my core I'm a romantic that is just trying to find someone to be happy with, so I'd like a nice girl. I know that seems out of character if you know me in person and you have heard me swagger around and act like an ass but that's all an act and I'd like someone to be able to get to know the actor rather than just be part of the show if that makes sense and it isn't too horribly egotistical to say.

But yeah I feel like this semester will be different and I want to really tear it up mostly because I know I have the capacity to do so. It's about time that I stop talking about what a badass I am and start acting like one. So Imma get my nerd on, my music on, my writing on, and I'll try to fill you guys all in as it progresses :)


  1. Very honest, interesting introspection. We all need to do that now and then, but most people are afraid to look that closely. It's always better to move forward than continue looking back.

  2. Life is going to be difficult and trying even when you are heading in the right direction...making these positive course corrections will still bring heartaches...so don't be surprised when they appear, be prepared, and stay confident that your path described above is the wise one

  3. I'm just going to continue to try my best, think positively and hopefully I'll come out on the other side better than ever. Thank you both.