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August 24, 2011

The Best CD I've Ever Made

This is the best CD I've ever made. And I will never be able to give it to the person I made it for. I've made a bunch of CDs but this is definitively the best. I just hope you like it.


The CD starts with this one. Once upon a time a boy and a girl couldn't date but always talked about cutting school and going to the beach together. It's hard to love someone who is far away.


Catchiest song in the world. 3 part harmony on the chorus lyrics like "I hit the sidewalk/ And this is how it starts/ hide in a raincoat when things are falling apart Everything seems to be falling apart, but somehow there's still beauty in this complicated, shitty thing we call life.


If you don't smile while listening to this song you've never been in love. Shit, I'm smiling and I am hurting more than I ever have. It's in scrubs. 3 of these are from Scrubs, which would make sense as JD and I are pretty much the same person. How many times can you possibly say and do stupid things and have them still work? There's apparently a limit and I've reached it. But I can still listen to this song and smile at the good times. Hammock under the tree in the summertime, long walks in dark hallways. Times when things just work, when things weren't stressful, weren't shitty, were just fun and simple. I miss that.


Yes this song is on the best CD I've ever made. It's hilarious, blatantly sexual but just fun. I realize that this one differs sharply from all the other ones but I guess I just thought of this girl singing these ridiculous lyrics while driving around in my shitty exploder and it just made me laugh. It's a great song and iunno, fun. Sorry if it's inappropriate but I guess I'm slightly inappropriate.


This song is gorgeous. It was kind've a gamble putting it in here because I really have no idea how you feel about electronic music but this is one of my all time top favorite songs. It's about being in love, a real kind of love. Not a fairy tale, story book fantasy but one with flaws, one that even uses the term "fucking.""You said I'm broken / Happiness / Is a bore" sad but sometimes true, especially in this situation. But it's so real and the crescendo destroys me every single time "So let's stay in / let the sofa be our car / Let's stay in / Let the T.V be our stars / I've found my dancing shoes and they don't fit / All the bright lights, all they do is bore me." They do. I'm sick of the parties, the booze, the one night stands, all I want is to sit on a couch and watch bullshit T.V with you.

BTW if you are creeping on this or if it is actually you. You should listen to all the songs in their entirety, they are all really good and the CD is meant to be played the entire way through. Otherwise you just get to the depressing songs too fast and you miss out on silly R. Kelly songs.


I had to put a Blink song on here. You knew me when they were all I listened to, when I still had innocence, didn't drink, smoke, and still believed that things could work out if you care about the other person enough. It's depressing to say but I'm so completely jaded, I don't really care anymore. I don't care if Tom Delonge uses the term "Yed" to explain his problems. This was on your myspace, and I never asked you about it, sometimes I wish I would have.


Such a beautiful song. Short and stunning. A raspy voice explaining in a minute and a half about how the only thing that truly gives him joy is something he can't ever be a part of. This song really touches me in a way I can't really describe, I just think it's beautiful, I hope you do too.


I don't care how cliche, overplayed or cheesy this song is, I love it. It's simple, it's brilliant. I always think of you as gravity, something unchanging, unwavering, something that keeps me from settling for something that I may be really happy with for something that is intangible. It's sadder when thought of this way, but hey. I don't think you came into this thinking this blog entry was going to be a happy one.


I don't know how much Bon Iver you listen to but this one is just stunning. It may have been in Twilight, but I don't care. It captures that loneliness and that feeling you have when you are finally with someone who truly gets you. It paints such a vivid picture. It's just a good song.


Sooo you know this one. I'm not a huge fan of musicals but truthfully I've always liked this song, perhaps not when it's all over done and ridiculous but when it's understated and beautiful it's striking. It just makes me wish I could have given you this CD instead of posting music videos, this one would have been a surprise and I just think you would have liked this. But things don't happen like that I guess.


I wasn't sure if you'd like this one either. But it's my favorite band. I used to really not like The National, the monotonous voice really turned me off but somehow the music just slowly creeps in and builds and builds until you end up at a National show 3 rows from the front crying like a baby. "Everything I love gets lost in the drawers." I somehow lost all the notes that you wrote me, I think I threw them away at one point or another. Probably for the best anyway.


Yeah The Smiths. I am enough of a hopeless romantic to buy into lyrics like this: "see the life I've had / can make a good man bad." It's interesting to look back at the thing as a whole and try to find the point where it changed. I think what it was, was that I realized how serious my feelings were at a time when I should have just had fun and not worried about it. I'm just too blunt, too honest, and too sure that I could die at literally any instance for me to hold anything back really. It's a problem, obviously.


I know I've put this song into another CD I've made you but I felt compelled to add it. It's in Scrubs and you know precisely what scene it is from. I didn't want the fast version but it was the one I found on youtube and it has Olivia Wilde in it, so why not? The song still gets me even though I have heard it so many times. I guess I'll always kind of see it like your song. Even though it isn't a very happy one. I was originally going to end on this one but I decided against it, instead I picked this one:


I wanted to end with hope. I hope you'll some day come around. I guess that it was that hope has really been the thing that has destroyed me for so long, so it's where I wanted to end this. I don't know if you will ever read this, and that's okay. I just wanted to make this a blog, so if you ever do want to read this you can. But I'm finally moving on, I'm finally feeling like I can do it. It's been a really really long time but it's time it happened. I think there will always be a piece of me that will hold out and that's the innocent part. With the house by the beach and a golden retriever, where things end perfectly and happily. It's yours, and I think it always will be but that can't be the future I have any more but I will fight tooth and nail for something like it.

So here in the end, I want to say thank you. Although it has been trying and terrible, it has made me into a stronger person because of it. I now know what I want and I will be trying to find it. I hope to find someone someday who can look past all the other blogs I will post about politics, and society and revolution and see the kid who wanted so badly to fall in love but got everything he ever asked for. It's a sad ending but that's how it goes sometimes. Goodbye.

1 comment:

  1. I love that you did this.

    Amazing to read